sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
