mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This gyro tastes like lonliness
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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