dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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