I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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