The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
