Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
