I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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