3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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