He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
