we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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