Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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