so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
