Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have feelings that need drinking.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
