So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
