We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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