Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Randomize
