a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
