No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
