I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
