omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
