I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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