well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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