I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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