Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
