So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
