There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
