apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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