happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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