so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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