i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
