My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
