So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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