dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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