that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
