I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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