Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
