so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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