if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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