who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
