i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
