I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
