Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
