Define "chronic" masturbator.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
