I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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