Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
