i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
