david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
