sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
