...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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