please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
