He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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