The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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