it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you never un-have a 4some
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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