cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Your dad touched me again.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
