I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
