New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
