I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
