Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
