I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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