I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
