Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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