1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm passing your future prison.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
