he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
