He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
