And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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