I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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