Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
