ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
