I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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