I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
