actually, I'm a sock model
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
