I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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