I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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