apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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