Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
