She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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