I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
