Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize