Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
