he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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