nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
