Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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