Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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