I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
