We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
