OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
