these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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